Preface
What You Already Know and What's New
What's to Come
Step 1 Cracking the Negotiations Code
1 Learning Negotiation Skills
What Is Negotiation?
Why Is This So Much Harder at Home Than at Work?
Negotiating by the Numbers
The Limits of Learning from Experience
The Paradoxes of Parenting
The Problem of Analogical Transfer
Five Big Ideas about Learning Negotiation Skills
2 The Single Best Predictor of Success: Preparation
Start with a Goal
The Nitty-Gritty of Preparing: The Three-Question Checklist, Asked Twice
Why Are "Whys" Particularly Hard in This Setting? The Two Levels: Immediate and Perpetual
First Things First: Get Your Own Ducks in a Row
Sharing Your "Why"
What about Your Child's Perspective? The Second Time through the Three Questions
An Example of the Three-Question Checklist (Asked Twice) in Action
Five Big Ideas on Preparation
3 Choosing a Strategy: Power, Rules, and Insight
Power: The Ace Up Your Sleeve
Establishing Rules
What Is "Fair"?
The Go-To Fair Solution: "Let's Just Split It"
Insight
Five Big Ideas about Choosing a Strategy
Step 2 Becoming a Master of the Moment
4 Psychological Warfare: The Common Tactics Kids Use for Getting What They Want
The Go-To List That Comes Preinstalled in Most Children
Tactic #1: The Buck Stops Where? Conformity Pressures in Parenting
Tactic #2: It's Not as Bad as What I Could Have Asked for! And Its Twin: While You're Saying Yes, How about Just This One Extra Little Thing? The Use of Contrasts
Tactic #3: What If I Just Keep Asking? Really, I Could Do This All Day . The Exhaustion Tactic
Tactic #4: Lying
Five Big Ideas about Tactics
5 Predictable Pitfalls
The Science of Decision Making
Misremembering the Origins: Getting Stuck on Blame
Escalation of Commitment: Getting Stuck with Our Previous Decisions
Artificially High Stakes: Getting Stuck on Fears for the Future
The Winner's Curse: Getting Stuck on What Might Have Been
Anchoring and Concessions: Getting Stuck on the First Thing You Hear
Five Big Ideas about Pitfalls
6 Multiple Roles at the Table: Teammate, Coach, and Judge
Teammate: The Two-Headed Monster
Sure, We're on the Same Page! (Aren't We?)
Which One Are You, The Strict one or The Nice One?
Tell It to the Judge
Coaching for Future Success
Coaching and Judging over Time
Five Big Ideas on Your Multiple Roles in Negotiations (Teammate, Judge, and Coach)
7 Negotiating via Text
Short but Not Always Sweet
The Magic of Speech
Words and Symbols
The Third Wheel of Technology
We're Not Ourselves Online
Five Big Ideas about Texting
Step 3 Bringing the Best of Yourself
8 Negotiating While Hopping Mad: Managing Emotions in Negotiations
Why Is It So Hard to Think Straight When Mad, Sad, or Glad?
Catch It, Share It, and Weigh It: Contagion, Congruence, and First Impressions
The Emotional You versus The Rational You: Fight of the Century!
Kids' Emotions: A Work in Progress
The Life Raft of Active Listening
Five Big Ideas about Emotions
9 Managing Everyday Conflict
Monkey See, Monkey Do
"My Way or the Highway" versus "I Need to Do What My Child Needs Me to Do"
One Problem, Five Solutions
Can You Hear Me Now? Strategies for Communicating Well
Five Big Ideas about Conflict and Communication
10 The Tools at Work: The Test Drives
What's Different about a Negotiation at Home?
The Value of Planning
Which Strategy and When?
Being Battle Ready for The Every Day, Every Kid Tactics
We Are All (Parents and Children) Predictably Irrational
The Part You Play
To Text or Not to Text?
Don't Get Derailed by Emotions
Moving Beyond Your Defaults in Resolving Conflicts and Communicating
Conclusion
Appendix The Five Rules Your Kids Need to Think Like a Master Negotiator
The Kids Guide to Negotiating
Rule #1: Decide: Should I, or Shouldn't I?
Rule #2: Before You Even Open Your Mouth, Spend a Minute Thinking
Rule #3: Ask a Lot of Questions (Before You Start Talking about Your Own Ideas)
Rule #4: Explain Yourself
Rule #5: Brainstorm
Summary Checklist of Steps
Index
