Orientation Session 1
Introduction to the Program 1
Overview of the Program 3
Your Workbook 3
Group Introductions 4
Topics Covered in This Program 5
Group Agreements 5
Our Group Agreements 6
Triggers and Coping Tools 7
Five Senses 8
Breathing and Exhaling 8
Statistics on Violence in the United States 9
Definition of Violence 12
The Social- Ecological Model (People in the Environment) 13
Creating a Container 18
My Container 19
Discovering Your Anger Style 20
Anger Survey 23
Between- Sessions Activity 24
Self- Soothing Activity: Palms Down, Palms Up 25
Part A: Self
Session One: Thinking Our Thoughts 29
The Spirals of Violence and Nonviolence 30
Thinking, Feeling, and Substance Use 31
Automatic Thoughts 31
Cognitive Distortion 32
My Typical Distorted Thinking 34
Feelings Inside and Outside 36
The DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 37
Understanding Keila 37
Understanding Me 40
Between- Sessions Activities 42
Session Two: Feeling Our Feelings 43
Identifying Feelings 44
Beliefs About Feelings 47
My Faulty Belief 48
Feelings as Clues 48
Intensity of Feelings 49
Emotional Wellness 53
Five Steps to Emotional Wellness 53
Feelings and the Body 54
When Feelings Threaten to Overwhelm You 55
The Observer Self 56
Between- Sessions Activities 58
Session Three: Violence and Trauma in Our Lives 59
Violence in Relationships 60
Types of Abuse 60
The Process of Trauma 61
Calming Strategies 63
Two Calming Activities 64
Mindful Breathing 64
Ten- Point Body Scan 64
Between- Sessions Activities 65
Session Four: The Effects of Trauma 69
Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey 70
The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study 72
The Effects of Trauma and Substance Use on the Brain 74
Risk Factors for Addiction 75
Personal Experiences with Substances 76
Triggers or Activators and the Body 77
Yoga Poses and the Mind- Body Connection 80
Between- Sessions Activities 81
Session Five: Anger and Me 83
Anger 84
Words for Anger 85
Meeting a Feeling 86
The Anger Funnel 89
Anger Triggers 92
Anger- Management Strategies 93
Anger Dos and Don'ts 95
Hidden Anger 97
Self- Inflicted Violence 98
Between- Sessions Activities 99
Session Six: The Risk of Suicide in Prison 101
DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 102
The Iceberg 104
My Iceberg 106
Making Life Livable 107
Between- Sessions Activities 109
Session Seven: Fostering Connection, Hope, and Meaning in Prison 111
My Hope- Practice Plan 112
My Safety Plan 113
Letter to My Future Self 116
Between- Sessions Activities 117
Session Eight: Understanding Ourselves 119
DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 120
Understanding Keila 120
Understanding My Crime 122
Understanding My Behavior 124
Becoming Whole 126
Between- Sessions Activities 128
Part B: Relationships
Session Nine: Our Families 131
Self- Soothing Activity: Deep Breathing 132
Risk Factors 133
Family Sculpture 134
The Cost of Violence 135
Feelings and the Family 136
Unspoken Rules 136
The Anger Questionnaire 137
Wheel of Nurturing Children 140
Between- Sessions Activities 143
Session Ten: Communication 145
Communication Styles 146
Nonverbal Communication 147
Communicating Emotions 148
Group Discussion Questions 149
Strategies for Creating Connection Through Communication 150
Responses to Stress 151
Between- Sessions Activities 153
Session Eleven: Power and Control 155
The Power and Control Wheel 156
Differences Between Women and Men in the Use of Force in Relationships 160
Types of Abuse in Relationships 161
The Violence Continuum 164
Escalation and De- escalation 166
Violence in Prison 168
Using the Time 169
Between- Sessions Activities 170
Session Twelve: Conflict Resolution 173
Fair Fighting 174
Guidelines for Fair Fighting 175
Words, Words, Words 176
Words That Escalate and Words That Help 176
Impulse Control 177
Tips for Impulse Control 178
The Equality Wheel 180
Between- Sessions Activities 183
Session Thirteen: Our Children 185
Nurturing Children in Our Lives 186
Messages About Nurturing and Raising Children 186
Abuse of Children Wheel 187
Patterns of Abuse with Children 189
Our Nurturing Legacies and What We Pass Along 190
Between- Sessions Activities 191
Session Fourteen: Nurturing in Action 193
Parenting and Caregiving Triggers 194
Drawing Our Family Dynamics 196
My Family Dynamics 197
Discipline, Consequences, and Punishment 198
Caregiving Checklist 199
Creating Connection 200
Nurturing in Action 201
Between- Sessions Activities 202
Session Fifteen: Caregiving over Time and with Others 203
Parenting from Prison 204
Our Villages 205
My Village 206
Caregiver Triggers 207
Power and Control and Caregivers 208
Caregivers and Communication 209
Caregiving Chapters 210
Between- Sessions Activities 211
Session Sixteen: Relationships in Prison 213
Relationship Roles 214
Sources of Joy, Connection, and Conflict 215
Power and Control Wheel 218
Creating a Power and Control Wheel 219
Equality Wheel 220
Creating an Equality Wheel 221
Between- Sessions Activities 222
Session Seventeen: Everyday Actions in Our Relationships 223
Common Relationship Situations 224
Relationship Decisions 227
Between- Sessions Activities 229
Session Eighteen: Creating Our Relationships 231
Falling in Love 232
Love and Addiction 233
Contrasting Intimate Relationships and Addictive Relationships 234
How To End a Relationship 235
Between- Sessions Activities 236
Part C: Community
Session Nineteen: Our Communities 239
Self- Soothing Activity: Progressive Muscle Relaxation 240
Our Communities 242
Visualization 243
Friendship 248
Between- Sessions Activities 249
Session Twenty: The Importance of Safety 253
Safety in the Community 254
The Four Kinds of Safety 256
Environment and Behavior 260
Safe and Unsafe Environments 262
Safety and the Body 263
Community Maps- Past, Present, and Future 264
Between- Sessions Activities 269
Session Twenty-One: Creating Community 271
DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 272
Crossroads 274
Making Good Decisions 276
Between- Sessions Activities 277
Session Twenty-Two: The Power of Community 281
DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 282
Activity: Writing About a Kind Act 284
Between- Sessions Activity 285
Part D: Society
Session Twenty-Three: Society and Violence 289
Self- Soothing Activity: Breathing in the Positive 290
Reviewing the Risks for Violence 291
The Culture Wheel 292
Institutional and Cultural Supports for Domestic Violence 294
Working To End Violence 296
National and International Organizations 297
Local Organizations 299
Art as an Expression of the Levels of Violence 300
Transgender, Gender Nonconforming, and Nonbinary Art 301
Between- Sessions Activities 302
Session Twenty-Four: Creating Change 305
Health, Harmony, and Wholeness 306
The Spirals of Transformation 308
Between- Sessions Activity 310
Session Twenty-Five: Transforming Our Lives 311
Visualization 312
The Role of Remorse in Transformation 314
The Process of Transformation 315
Making Amends 317
Forgiveness 318
Between- Sessions Activities 319
Session Twenty-Six: Honoring Ourselves and Our Community 321
The Relational Wheel 322
Respect, Mutuality, and Compassion 323
Are You Becoming the Person You Want To Be? 324
Orid 325
Appreciation 327
Appendix 1: Yoga Poses 329
Appendix 2: About the Women in the What I Want My Words To Do To You DVD 335
About the Author 341
About the Cover 343
