The Plastic Christmas Card is a quirky little 'wodzeon' Quick Flash story about creating Christmas happiness. But, what is happiness? This following 'history' took hours and hours of research in huge libraries and on the net. Wodzeon? That's what sometimes happens when someone reads my stuff, they say 'what's he on?'... fresh air actually. Happiness's root is an old Latin word 'Hopiness' meaning 'to feel good'. It hailed from the hop plantations of Evesham i.e. hops (as in malt and) meaning 'happy crop', planted and tended originally by Latins. That's because Latin people (originally French tin miners i.e. 'La-Tin') felt happy when they drank the liquid made with hops (and malt). That's why at Christmas, the hopiest time of year is when people are at their happiest (or hopiest). All the dancing at Christmas is due to these sacred flowers that grow on countless bushes in Evesham, the organic mothers and fathers of Eveshams favourite dance, invented by actor and dancer and buddy of William Shakespeare, William Kemp (Kempe) The Evesham Hop, full of quirky skips and jumps. Evesham was named after the church managed to convince the world that the serpent tempted Eve to eat an apple, when really it helped her discover the magic of the hop; yes you've guessed it was actually a hop plant/bush the serpent was on/in and not the church's apple tree which was a thought constructed Eve 'Sham'. The serpent was a bit fed up (although it is impossible to tell when a serpent is fed up due to limitation of facial expressions) because it was a very mild Christmas (hence the nudity) and it fancied a few drinks while chilling on the branch, but needed someone to make it first from hops (and malt); the serpent was very wise and knew how to have a good time by making hop juice so it spoke instructions to Eve; God had taken the serpents arms away to save its liver, not to mention the livers of several local hedgehogs that also liked a drink, especially after eating a sticky slug. Adam was therefore the first man to get drunk and hop around dancing. How would Adam have got home from the garden? Easy! Eve would have driven him, and that is why when a woman drives a bloke home from the pub it is seen as natural, simply because it is. Christmas is so good because of that serpent. Kane and Abel were both the results of hopiness and man's downfall was the hangover, making it hard to make a choice between bad and good ideas. Whisky is also good and the history of it could be called 'The magic of Bar LEY' a wine bar near a barley field where whisky was discovered. If the sign-writer had been rubbish and written Bar LEE, anybody called Lee would have felt honoured and gone for a discount, but whisky would have remained obscure.
